Tuesday, February 01, 2005

oh well

hi! there reader. i dont have pictures today, nothing's happening except fun bumming around in manila and DLSU. i quiet enjoyed it though because i remember my freshman year in college where bumming around the smoking areas was at its peak. i loved sitting with andrea and lian talking about nothing really and just letting time slip away. yesterday and today, i feel like in nirvana of some sort. i was able to patch things up with my older sister joni, i'd stop calling her psycho now and today, i give up my hopes on going to bangkok. i dont really get it, what went inside my mom's head. it's not vey usual of her to disappoint me like that, she used to play hard to get games but now, its more than that. i think i need to cry stones first before she lets me, anyway, shit happens. im just giving it all up now and yah, come what may. i love my peace and again, i hate thinking about non academic things because they are harder to comprehend in reality, ever realized that? no formulas, theories or concepts.. just plain human behavior which is screwed big time.

im trying hard to focus on the positives now. for instance, i was able to play again (oh yes) with anya after almost a month of just smiling and stealing some minutes alone. now i can enter their room again and i dont have to hide in my room like a prisoner or stare the whole day at my pc like a call center agent. i feel uncomfortable with my mom though, her giving me a hard time and all. i was discussing with my friends awhile back, that id love to have a kid and treat her better than my mom treats me and id raise a lot of money to give her a lot of cash for shopping and travel expenses. haha...

i never asked too much from my mom. i only ask her to pay for gas and school stuff, i even have to save and pay for my clothes, shoes and bags and my dining expenses. she said some mean stuff to me and im really disappointed she thinks that way. she doesnt really know me that well. i knew that ever since i was in highschool. being raised with money is different from being raised by your mom. i give her credit for working really hard and raising a lot of kashings here and there, but she doesnt really know me, i mean everyone hardly does. i have this theory why she wont let me, and now im thinking bangkok is nothing compared to that person.

im feeling both good and melancholic, but in a nirvanic sense if there's such term. it seems im fairly calm and i almost see clouds or is it winston lights... i'd quit =p